


Phoenix

by marvelfoodlover



Category: That '70s Show
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Child Neglect, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, and instead only gets heartbreak, and not to say that jackie is a good person, angst angst angst baby, but seriously though sorry for any mistakes, but she tries and changes herself to fit into the gang, critical of everyone, i remember reading somewhere that Jackie had half brothers, in this Sam never leaves, it gets worse until it's better, it is 2 in the morning and I am posting this, no betas haha, seriously the gang has always been assholes to jackie, so excuse me for being delirious lol, so she does in this fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-05 07:50:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17914799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelfoodlover/pseuds/marvelfoodlover
Summary: If they thought that she was destroyed then they never knew her. She is Jackie Burkhart. She survived taunts and sneers about Michael’s cheating during most of her high school. She survived her dad going to prison. She survived her mom leaving her. She survived before with an arrogant smile and confident walk. She will survive after losing everything the second his wife walked into their lives.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is something that I have been thinking about lately. If you think about Jackie and everything that she has gone through till season 8, it's pretty amazing that she even stuck around Point Place. Two of her only boyfriends cheat on her, the gang she thinks are her friends constantly shit on her. In my opinion, she should never get back with them at all. So this is something that I have whipped up high on caffeine. Also, read the tags people.

Jackie Burkhart was a lot of things.

 

She was a cheerleading bitch during her high school days. She was loud and outspoken, not caring if she hurt anyone’s feelings. She was gorgeous, no one could deny her beauty. She was going to get married to the richest man in the world and live happily ever after with her prince charming. 

 

Somewhere along the lines all of those things fell short. She quit being a cheerleader, wasn’t crowned the Snow Queen, she wasn’t rich anymore. Her heart broke when she thought her prince charming left her to go to California with her best friend.

 

But then she kissed the burnout and everything changed. Her father went to jail, her mother left her, she wasn’t rich anymore. She had to move in her best friend’s tacky house, she got kicked out of the cheerleading team, she didn’t become the Snow Queen.

 

But she had been happy. To be in his arms and kiss his lips and play with his curly hair. To sit in his lap and watch her friends’ dumb antics in that basement and laugh along. To sit with his surrogate parents and have lunch, playing along with the idea that they would be like them in the next few years.

 

She wasn’t a lot of things anymore, but she was happy.

 

Of course, the universe decides to take everything away from her. Maybe God really is a man.

 

….

 

Everything turns into hell.

 

He gets _married_ , to a _stripper_ , and everyone just embraces it. Kitty and Red allow her to stay at their home. Donna becomes friends with her. Kelso is at Chicago and Jackie is now roommates with Fez of all people.

 

She’s spiraling, she knows it. Everything had seemed so perfect. Her Steven was with her, she had become a godmother, graduated high school and had her own tv show.

 

The suddenly she lost everything. Her job, her friends, her Steven.

 

Maybe it was the desperation that makes her latch onto Fez. He’s kind to her, gets her a job she desperately needs, gives her a roof over her head. He’s suddenly there for her, and she doesn’t want to let him go. She can’t deal with another person walking out of her life.

 

She thinks that she’s in love, and believes that Fez is the one that she wants in her life. So when they kiss when the year turns into 1980, she hides her disappointment with a bright smile. She looks at him and not at how _he_ was making out with the stripper. There’s no fluttering in her stomach or the lightness in her head when he touches her. Her heart drops to her stomach as they lie on her bed with regret filling the space.

 

She had called for Steven while they were having sex. She hadn’t realized it until he stopped.

 

She doesn’t stop him when he gets out of her room. She muffles her sobs into her pillow as she loses another person.

 

….

 

She moves back to her old mansion after things become unbearable at Fez’s apartment. She knows everyone blames her for his heartbreak. There is a certain type of awkwardness around them now and Jackie cries herself to sleep over lost friendships. It’s better than she lives by herself in her mansion anyway. If she’s drinking wine at 7 in the morning, well, no one is around to see that.

 

….

 

It doesn’t really hit her until she walks into the basement. Sam is sitting on his lap, his arms supporting her body. Eric and Donna are at the couch while Kelso and Fez are in their chairs. They are having a circle and it seems just like before. Except it isn’t Jackie who’s sitting on Hyde’s lap. They are all laughing and it isn’t Jackie who is kissing Hyde and suddenly she can’t take it anymore.

 

No one hears the door shut, no one hears the sobs that break out of her as she runs away.

 

_She was replaceable to them. She never meant anything to them._

 

She doesn’t go to the basement afterward. She spends her nights at a bar instead.

 

….

 

It starts with wine. Then comes tequila. Next is vodka. She always leaves the mansion after at least two cans of beers.

 

….

 

She gets a call from Percy. She hasn’t been in touch with her half-brother for a long time. Not since Daddy and his first wife got into a huge argument and the two vowed to never see each other ever again, thus putting an end to the constant visits between Jack Burkhart’s children from both of his marriage. The children tried to keep in touch with secret letters but the battle between their parents strained their relationship.

 

She gets letters and gifts on special occasions, but other than that, nothing. So the call comes as a surprise.

 

“Percy? What’s wrong?”

 

“It’s Grandma Beulah.”

 

She goes to Florida. She doesn’t hesitate to pack up her necessities and withdraw all of her money and book a one-way ticket to Florida. She leaves her phone number and explains everything in a note to Fez. It was a bit depressing thought that she only has Fez that might worry about her, and she doesn’t acknowledge her heart breaking when he doesn’t call at all.

 

….

 

Florida is nice. It’s warm and humid with no chilly wind, unlike her Wisconsin. 

 

Percy picks her up from the airport. They don’t talk much during the ride to the hospital. He lets her know that she can stay at his house with his wife, which she is grateful about. She avoids questions about her life and instead focuses on their grandma. Percy doesn’t fight and lets his questions be unanswered.

 

It hurts to look at her half-brother. Ten years older than her, he looks just like Daddy. And with the way he lovingly talks about his wife, it hurts to know that she never saw that in her Daddy.

 

She meets Leslie at the hospital. Her blonde hair frames her heart-shaped face, and tiredness can be seen from her green eyes. Nevertheless, she smiles at Jackie and welcomes her with open arms.

 

She ignores the concerned looks about her dull skin and thin body. She knows that her brother wants to talk about the mini bottles of alcohol in her suit but she ignores him.

 

….

 

Florida was the perfect place for her grandma. The sunshine matched her laughter and every time her father took her for a visit, she left with a warm that didn’t come from the weather. Her grandma was full of life and laugh in that big mansion she lived in. She was beautiful and kind and loved, everything Jackie wanted to be. Those visits stopped before her father went to jail, and Jackie knew that her daddy’s illegal activities were the reason why her grandma didn’t want to see her own son.

 

She once told Steven about how much she missed her grandma and sometimes wished she was with her after her mother left. She wondered briefly if that had hurt him. She doesn’t tell him she could have gone, but she wanted to stay with him. So she lied to her grandma and said her mom came back. Just so she could stay at Point Place.

 

_And what good did that do huh_.

 

But she doesn’t want to think about that. Instead, she stays by her grandma’s side, laughing along the stories that she says with a smile.

 

“Jacqueline,” her grandma once softly whispers late at night. She should be going soon, visiting hours was going to be over soon. “What happened to you?”

 

“What do you mean grandma?” She smiled but the older lady could see the truth. Her little granddaughter looked great, yet all she could see was the sadness in her eyes and weariness in her shoulders.

 

“Try as hard as you can, you can never lie to me.”

 

Jackie knew that. Her grandma is the only person in the world that she couldn’t lie to, but she didn’t want to get into her sad and depressing life. She wanted to have happy memories, but knowing how stubborn the older woman is, she knows she’ll have to talk about it. Stubbornness runs in the family after all.

 

So she tells everything. Her lost job in Chicago, the love of her life marrying someone else, her dead-end job at the salon, the sudden coldness she feels in the basement. “I don’t know what to do anymore,” she whispers and looks at her grandma with such hope. As if she had superpowers and make everything right again. A young Jackie believed in that fantasy, and a small part of her now couldn’t help but believe in it too.

 

“Why are you waiting for him?”

 

Jackie pauses, definitely not expecting that. “Huh?”

 

“You keep telling me how you shouldn’t have pushed him to marriage, but isn’t that what you wanted? You did nothing wrong for asking for a commitment. Why are you punishing yourself by tying back to them?”

 

She didn’t know. She didn’t know why she was there anymore. But she knew why. Why keeps going back to the basement. Why she took Fez’s offer and lived close by. Why she makes up excuses to just see him. “I am waiting for him.”

 

Her grandma gave her a soft smile, her wrinkles becoming more prominent. “You made some mistakes, but so has he. You came back to him to fix after leaving your future behind,” her grandma replied with a knowing look in her eyes. Her fragile hand cupped her granddaughter’s face, gently wiping the tears away. “You don’t owe him anything else, Jacqueline.”

 

“I feel like I do. I was the one who pushed too hard, this is all my fault. If I hadn’t gone to Chicago-”

 

“My darling, he also made mistakes. He owed you to fix it but he didn’t.”

 

Jackie stayed silent, lowering her eyes as she drew patterns on the bed. Her grandma forced her to look into her eyes, and somehow Jackie couldn’t breathe. These moments were precious and suddenly it hits her that her grandma is also going to leave her too.

 

The sad smile she receives lets her know that her grandma understood. “You have lived your entire life pleasing others so that they’ll stay. You can’t keep pleasing the world darling. You don’t owe this world a thing, you never did.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for the kudos and comments! Honestly wasn't expecting much but I think I'll continue this and see where I am going with it.
> 
>  
> 
> Trigger Warning: Alcoholism, Drug abuse

Grandma Beulah dies that night.

 

.....

 

It hurts. It _fucking_ hurts.

 

Jackie feels like she can’t breathe, her chest feels too heavy and there is something heavy in her throat. Her eyes are red, her cheeks are covered with wet patches. Her hair is flat against her body and her pale face is devoid of any emotion. She sits beside Percy, his arm around her shoulder holding her up. His arms held her as they walk to the casket, her legs buckle when she sees her grandma for the last time.

 

The funeral is beautiful. It’s everything that her grandma would have wanted. They spread her ashes in the ocean.

 

_There is something beautiful about the ocean. It’s unknown and dark and wild, but I have always felt calm between the water. I want my ashes to be back there._

 

Didn’t she know that this was going to happen? Isn’t that why she left her home Point Place? Shouldn’t she be prepared to feel the pain in her heart? The constant scream in her head?

 

Except she wasn’t. She had hoped, _like a fucking child_ , that suddenly she would be alright. That another person wouldn’t be leaving her forever. She couldn’t _breathe_.

 

She needed something. Anything to stop the pain. To make everything numb.

 

Percy is by her side, holding her up as Leslie opens their home to her. She doesn’t talk as they kiss her goodnight after settling her in the guest room. She waits until the house is quiet and sneaks out. She walks into a bar and leaves with a man.

 

She doesn’t want to feel anymore.

 

She doesn’t go back to ~~her family~~ Percy and his wife. Sex and alcohol are all she needs.

 

…..

 

Percy finds her after two months. Jackie had thought that he would have given up after a week. She had vanished without a note, taking all of her money walked away before they could. It’s easier this way, she tells herself as she gets out of the stranger’s bed and heads to her motel. She’s in a town where no one knows her. No one can walk away from her anymore.

 

But then Percy comes. She doesn’t respond to his yells and promises. She only reacts when he snatches the bottle of vodka out of her hands. She yells back, begging to be alone and ignoring his concerns. She takes her purse and stops at his words.

 

“Go then! Become just like your mother, just like how everyone  _knew_ you would be!”

 

She doesn’t move back to him. She doesn’t see the regret in his face. He doesn’t see the dullness in her eyes.

 

“Fuck you.”

 

She walks out. It’s nice to actually walk out of someone else’s life for once.

 

….

 

The words keep repeating in her mind. Tequila doesn’t help. Vodka doesn’t either. The music is loud in the bar yet all she can here are those words.

 

_Just like your mother. Just like your mother. Just like your mother. Just like you mot-_

 

She sees two bartenders in front of her and demands them another shot. “You’re cut off, go home,” the bartenders speak together, both of them showing pity in their eyes.

 

“Fuck you. I am paying for the drinks, so give it to me.”

 

She wants to be numb dammit, and these two bastards aren’t helping.

 

A guy presses his body against hers, and she giggles when he accidentally tickles her. “There’s a party down the street. They have all kinds of stuff. Wanna go?”

 

She giggles and doesn’t mind when the guy pulls her with him. She ignores the concerned calls from the bartenders and lets the guy run his hands over her ass.

 

_Just like your mother. Just like your mother. Just like your mother. Just like you mot-_

 

Loud music and dull lights. Another shot of vodka. Two cans of beers. Kisses on her neck. Four shots of vodka. Needle in her arm. Another shot of vodka. 

 

Her chest doesn’t hurt anymore. Everything slows down. Her breathing slows down. She feels light. Her mind is numb. Everything is numb. She’s laughing. It’s nice.

 

She closes her eyes. The ground is cold. She’s cold.

 

Everything is finally quiet.

 

….

 

The first thing she notices is the beeping noise. The next is the sterile smell that made her nose twitch. She opens her eyes, blinking at the bright white ceiling. Someone shuffles to her left, her body feels like lead but she turns her head.

 

Percy is there. Leslie is sleeping in the couch in the corner. Even in sleep, she looks stressed and tired.

 

“What the hell were you thinking? Heroin Jackie? Heroin?”

 

She closes her eyes, wincing at his loud yell. She tries to speak but her throat feels like sandpaper. Something is pushed against her lips and she greedily welcomes the glass of water. The coolness from the glass slips and she feels him take her hand. He brushes his thumb over her knuckles, and it reminds her of the times when she fell off her horse and he wiped her tears away and put a bandage over her cut.

 

_“Belle.”_

 

She hasn’t heard that name for so long. She hasn’t heard it since she demanded her brother to read Beauty and the Beast and after that only call her Belle. She pestered him to the point that he said it making her smile like a pretty princess that she knew she was.

 

Belle. She was strong and smart and beautiful and got her prince charming in the end. She had someone that loved her so much. She was everything Jackie wanted to be and everything she wasn’t.

 

She bits back a sob but presses her eyes close to stop the waterworks. But then she feels the familiar arms around her and suddenly the pain that she tried to numb before is too much. Something breaks inside her and she can’t hold it in anymore.

 

Sobs and whimpers can be heard in the corridor, and people passing by stop for a second and pity the broken and lost person.


End file.
